The Last Day

As I drove back that day I was filled with mixed feelings, of enthusiasm and depression both. In the background Jagjit Singh ghazal played - Hazaron khwaishen Aisi ki har khwaish par dum nikale, giving me an intense ambience to think if I have taken a correct decision. I was not certain. Several images ran in the background of my subconscious mind and played like a movie flashback. Last 13 years I have spent working and taking my career from zero to a certain level has come to a pause. All the accolades I received, everything I learnt, and my achievements will become a memory now.  Then suddenly my daughter smiling face came in the flashback and everything else took a back seat. At this point I thought nothing else matters except my daughter and giving time to her.

The work used to be hectic with meetings running till late evenings and thus not leaving me with any time and energy. Initially I thought it was a passing by phase in the organization and will improve in some time when additional resources are hired, team size is increased but it never improved and things remained the same. In fact it kept getting worse and I kept getting involved neglecting the personal life. 

Suddenly one day I realized what am I doing with myself. I was in extreme stress; I was not giving time to my family and my health is jeopardized. Since I wanted to stick to some kind of work life and keep my career alive, i first checked the option of flexibility with my organization, half day work or some sort of arrangement. Unfortunately, it was not available.

I kept thinking for few days and then started working with the existing finances to analyze if we will survive with single salary. I knew things will be tight; we will have to forego lot of things but at least I will gain peace of my mind. 

Now as I drive back from office to home after submitting all the organization assets back, I feel 10 kgs lighter and 10 years younger. Suddenly I feel fresh as I used to feel when I was in college. I came back home filled with energy and positivity to my daughter, I played with her the entire evening and her giggle made me think did I really leave something behind or gained much more than expected? I had a feeling of satisfaction and I slept like a baby that night.